An open letter to my brother DDD

January 10, 2015

Dear DDD,

I had wanted to write to you two years ago when I first learned that only seven percent of your kidneys were functioning.

I love you, my brother, and as your eldest sister, I want to let you know that it is my fervent prayer that the daily dialysis that you are having will be effective and will maintain (if it can no longer improve), your current health condition, that it will not get worse.

DDD, I have known you as someone who is stubborn, that you just do what you want to do, that you never take another person’s advice even though that advice is for your own benefit. This is the reason I did not write to you two years ago. Baka ma bale wala lang.

Anyway, this is the last time that I will write about this.

DDD, you are a hardworking person, and that is what I appreciate and like about you. In fact, I think that is an understatement. The right words will be SOBRANG SIPAG ka. At napakamatulungin mo sa ibang tao. Nobody can deny that. That’s why people like you. I will always be proud to say that I have a brother who is very masipag and helpful. I will never forget that incident when Francis, who was still a baby, had diarrhea. Hindi ka nandiri and you really helped Pet by collecting the soiled beddings and washed them. I was very proud of you!

BUT PLEASE DON’T ABUSE YOUR BODY. AND DON’T LET OTHER PEOPLE ABUSE YOU. Be very conscious that you are a very sick person, and you have limitations concerning what you can do. Do you know that there are abusers because there are people willing to be abused? LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. DON’T IGNORE THE COMPLAINTS OF YOUR BODY. YOU YOURSELF MAY NOT COMPLAIN, BUT YOUR BODY COMPLAINS.

I must admit, I am somewhat like you. In my last work assignment in Manila Water, I was given more tasks in spite of the fact that I had done so much already, and had many more to be done. But that was okay for me because I liked what I was doing. I leave for work at around 6:15 am and immediately start working when I reach the office before 7 am although office hours start only at 8 am and end at 5 pm. Many times, I go home at about 9 in the evening already (but there was a time na hinatinggabi ako, dahil hindi ako makabalanse), because I wanted to finish everything.

That’s why I think I can understand you; you like what you are doing, and you feel satisfied that you are able to help. You are a doer, a worker. Just like me. Over the years from 1978 to 2005, in my MWSS and Manila Water jobs, I was assigned in different departments. I had different bosses (American, Dane, Australian, British and Filipino). Modesty aside, one of them was very vocal in showing his appreciation for my work, because according to him, “napakasipag” daw ako. And there was a boss who wanted to promote me as his technical assistant, but I declined it, because the promotion would mean that I would handle people and attend managers’ meetings in his behalf. I knew it was hard to handle people, because I am not cut out to be a supervisor. I am just a worker. Soft nga ang personality ko. I knew that kapag pabandying bandying iyong mga tao, magagalit lang ako at maiiyak. I kind of know how you feel when people abuse you, because I, too, was abused when I was still working. Alam mo naman siguro iyong boss ko sa Cosmos where we both used to work, di ba? He bullied me, and made me feel unworthy. Binansagan nga siya na “terror” ng mga co-workers natin. In spite of that, I held on to that job for eight years and resigned only when I had a sure job in another company. I left Cosmos on March 15, 1978, and the following day, I started working in MWSS.

However, my case is different from yours because my health was not compromised by working so hard; yours is compromised because of your sickness.

Money is not everything, Bebet. If your reason for working yourself to death is money, that is not right. God will provide, just trust Him. To tell you the truth, I appreciate your wife very much. And I hope you also appreciate her. Don’t take her for granted. I think you know that God gave certain roles to the husband and the wife. I just want to state here: Provider, leader, guide, protector – these are the roles of the husband. While the wife is commanded to help, respect, love and submit to her husband. However, because we are a broken people in a broken world, there are times that the roles of the husband and the wife of being a provider and a helper are reversed. And the sad result is a dysfunctional marriage.

I have written you several times already in the past, telling you to take your medicines and take care of your body. If only you heeded what I told you to do, this health problem would not have happened. If you took your medicines, it would not have come to a point that you would have to resort to dialysis.

When we were born, God gave us healthy bodies. And He wants us to take care of our bodies. I know you are familiar with 1 Corinthians 6:19-20: Do you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Please think hard about this verse, especially the part that says that WE ARE NOT OUR OWN. GOD BOUGHT US WITH HIS PRECIOUS BLOOD. WE CANNOT JUST DO WHAT WE WANT TO DO WITH OUR BODIES. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT WE TAKE CARE OF OUR BODIES. TAKING CARE OF OUR BODIES IS ONE WAY OF HONORING GOD. NEGLECTING TO TAKE CARE OF OUR BODIES IS TANTAMOUNT TO DISREGARDING WHAT GOD SAYS WE MUST DO.

One more thing, when you got married, you became committed to your wife. A single adult person may do whatever he wants to do and go wherever he wants to go without letting his parents or siblings know his whereabouts. That is not the case when you are already married. Each spouse should let the other know wherever he or she is. And as much as possible, both of you must spend time together. We are already in our twilight years, Bebet; you will be 66 this coming March, and I turned 69 last month. We must do what is right in the remaining days of our life. Don’t hurt the feelings of your wife. Show that you love her.  Love and respect must be present to have a good marriage.

Your needs are being taken cared of, pasalamat ka sa wife mo dahil she has the capability to take care of your needs. Be responsible naman sana, Bebet. Nalulungkot ako as I write this, kasi I don’t know if you will heed my advice.

Bebet, it is still not too late. Kahit napakaliit na lang ang percentage ng kidneys mo ang functional, as long as you are alive, there is still hope. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY. FOLLOW WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS ABOUT COMPLETING THE DAILY DIALYSIS. HAVE A COMPLETE REST. DON’T OVERDO OR ABUSE YOURSELF. HONOR GOD BY TAKING CARE OF YOUR BODY.

Men are designed by God to be the head of their families. They should be the leader, guide, provider and protector of their own families. I have heard of some men whose wives are the main financial providers, yet these men love and respect their wives. There are some reasons why there are men who could not fulfill the role of a provider.  And for me, that is still okay as long as they love and respect their wives. You have been hearing messages during worship services, I hope you reflect upon these messages.

James 1:22-25: But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your ownselves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.

I hope hindi sayang itong effort ko sa pagsulat nito. I repeat, I love you, my brother, and I really hope that the daily dialysis will be effective. Nobody can do that for you. Only you can do that for yourself.

I LOVE YOU, MY BROTHER. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.