A CONFIDENT HEART - Because God's Love Is Perfect, I Don’t Have To Be

Reflection and Discussion     

1. Think back to your childhood and your first memory of God. Describe your image of Him growing up.

My father was a “Protestant”, as what people would call someone who does not belong to the Roman Catholic religion.  Sometimes when Mama (who was then a Roman Catholic when I was still a child), went  to church, she would bring one of us her children with her. I would sit beside her inside the church, and during the Holy Week, she would do the Stations of the Cross inside the church. The church was full of images, and in front at the middle was an image of a man nailed on the cross. I was told that that was God, and that He died for our sins.  I just accepted that without any question.

2. How does your childhood perception of God compare to what you see in Christ through His interaction with the Samaritan woman? List the similarities and differences.

When I was a child, I never pictured God as someone who is compassionate, rather I pictured Him as someone who was distant, and who did not care for unimportant people like me. I had thought that God is all about punishing those who didn’t obey His commandments. In this particular encounter between the Lord Jesus and the Samaritan woman, it was the Lord who made the initiative so that the Samaritan woman would ask for something that she would need.

3. Do you ever feel that you are the only one who struggles with insecurity or doubt? Why or why not?

At my age, I have learned through reading books, and of course, through learning from what other people have experienced in life, that I am not the only one who is struggling with insecurity or doubt.  It is just natural or normal for people to have this kind of feeling if their childhood experiences are not as what they should be.  Criticisms from parents, comparison with siblings, comparison with classmates and co-workers would bring about insecurities.

4. Jesus wants to create a safe place for you to be transparent with Him where you can ask questions and be real about your desires, doubts, disappointments, and dreams. He knows you and wants you to really know Him.  Is the thought of this kind of relationship with God comforting or uncomfortable and why?

It is comforting to know that God knows my thoughts, my desires, my doubts, my disappointments, and my dreams because I know that He has good plans for me.  Surely, it is a good thing that He wants me to really know Him. On the other hand, when I do something that I know is not right in His sight, that surely makes me uncomfortable.

5. Has anything ever happened that caused you to distance yourself from God or other people? How does it make you feel to know Jesus understands, and He is still there with you in every moment of every day? When do you need His assurance and presence most?

It was during my early teen years that I received the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior.  As a young Christian, I was so enthusiastic about “the things of the Lord”. I would eagerly read my Bible, regularly attend church services, and join young people fellowship.  I was amazed with the beautiful promises in the Bible.  However, after a few years, I would wander away (backslide), my interest in reading the Bible waned. I think it was because I resumed going to the movies. (Immediately after I was saved, I lost interest in watching movies.)  Although I still went to church, the enthusiasm was no longer there. For a time I was scared that I lost my salvation. However, the verses that say,  “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the [LOVE OF GOD], which is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39); and “I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand” (John 10:28) give  me the assurance of eternal security.

6. Reread the story of the Samaritan woman in John 4, asking Jesus to meet you there and show you things in your heart that need His repair. Is there part of my story or the story of the Samaritan woman that you relate to most? 

The Samaritan woman had developed insecurities because she had married five times, one after the other, but all her husbands had abandoned her, and her latest partner was not her husband because he was not married to her. I have had issues of insecurity from during my childhood even up until adolescence and adulthood. I don’t want to blame my father for this, because I knew he only wanted the best for us his children. I had always accepted his criticism because I knew it was his way of challenging me to become a better student/person. Yes, it was painful and I became dumbfounded (natutulala lang ako) every time time he would criticize me.  My father was a stickler for cleanliness and orderliness, and he would always order us around whenever he comes home from work, and as children, my siblings and I were not very particular about cleanliness and orderliness in the house.  That’s why whenever he came home from his office, we would be scared and would rush from wherever we were inside the house to be by the side of our mother. I really did not think that it was my father's criticisms that pushed me to study hard, to excel in my studies. I think it was the recognition and praises from my teachers that encouraged me to study hard.  It was a good feeling to get high grades and to be at the top of my class.  But really, I know that deep inside, I was just an average student.  Although how much I studied, I got a scholarship for only four semesters, and that was in my early college days.  I was not a consistent scholar.

7. What lesson from this chapter will you walk away with and hold on to so that you can live in the security of God’s approval and acceptance?

I remember being scared when I was about eight years old when I would sleep alone on the ground floor (I am the eldest), and my siblings and my parents would be on the second floor with my parents. Just like the author of this book, I did not grow up knowing about God’s love. I did not know that God wanted a personal relationship with me. My image of God was that He was someone who was distant and unapproachable. However,when I was 13 years old, I attended a youth camp where I found out about God’s love, that He paid the penalty of my sin when He died on the cross. There, I received the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior. The truth that God knows me and accepts me just as I am, and that He wants to transform me into the kind of person He has purposed me to be, gives me the assurance of His approval and acceptance.  I  don't have to be perfect!