There is still hope

I was reading Dr. Matt Soper’s “Raising Up A Testimony” this morning, particularly his essay entitled “The Most Difficult Lie (that it’s all about me)".  He wrote that when he bagan preaching full-time at age 30, he had a rude awakening, realizing that he was supposed to be in "community" with the church folks.  He said that he had always been somewhat of a “lone wolf”, not because he was  “unsociable”, but because he had things to do (work, study, dote on his wife Angela), and not a lot of time for hanging around.

While I was reading that, I could somewhat relate to him.   I am basically a loner,  enjoying solitude most of the time.  From childhood, I was not exposed or encouraged to mingle with people (or was I, but it’s just that nobody motivated me enough?) which I needed very much because I was painfully shy. That is the precise reason why I did not develop as a well-rounded person.   I recall in my freshman and sophomore years in high school, every day, right after classes, I would rather go to the library than bond with my classmates.  I would select a book from the list that the librarian would hand me, and I would sit there and finish the book in one sitting.  I always did that almost every day until I had read all the fiction books in the library.  I just enjoyed reading and being alone. (Makes me think that if I was born during this computer and internet age, I am sure I would be engrossed in ebooks and I did not have to spend so much time in the library.) Moreover, I was not comfortable in a social gathering where I would be surrounded by unfamiliar (or even familiar) faces.  I lack the interpersonal skills that are very important to being able to talk and to be friends with people.  That went on even when I was already working.  I just focused on my tasks and failed to bond with my officemates (although sometimes I did a little bit).

I  know that being a loner is somewhat weird, because God created us as social beings.  That if we are to do His will, we must have good relations with one another.  And that, to my dismay, is what I lack!  Well, all those things are in the past, it’s water under the bridge.  I should not blame other people for not motivating me.  What I should have done is to be pro-active as what most successful people would say.

I thank God that even at my age, there is hope because  I am still a work in progress, and God has a plan for me which is far better than my own plans.